The 13th Apostol

It Was a Good Day of Independence

"Food Inc." The Movie. By Robert Kenner & Eric Schlosser, Featuring Award Winning Journalist Michael Pollan

The Film "Food Inc." is astronomically huge, life-altering, and particularly anti-Fourth of July...the Film is not for the faint of heart...

As you're cooking out today, tomorrow, eating in a restaurant next week...I want you to think about what,  I consider to be,  the "Poisoning of America" on multiple levels, why we as a nation  might allow this to happen...and what the Hell we're going to do to STOP IT.

ABOUT THE FILM:

How much do we really know about the food we buy at our local Supermarkets and serve to our families?

"In "Food Inc.", filmmaker Robert Kenner lifts the veil on our nation's food industry, exposing the highly mechanized underbelly that has been hidden from the American consumer with the consent of our government's regulatory agencies, USDA and FDA.

Our nation's food supply is now controlled by a handful of corporations that often put profit ahead of consumer health, the livelihood of the American farmer, the safety of workers and our own environment. We have bigger-breasted chickens, the perfect pork chop, herbicide-resistant soybean seeds, even tomatoes that won't go bad, but we also have new strains of E. coli—the harmful bacteria that causes illness for an estimated 73,000 Americans annually.

We are riddled with widespread obesity, particularly among children, and an epidemic level of diabetes among adults."

To read more go to Food Inc./About The Issues

He Can Spend $800.00 on a Violin, but he Can't Pay Child Support...Lovely

...and while I'm over-joyed Mer has a violin, the request was for a FUCKING KEYBOARD to take piano lessons with (which I could afford)

"Well" Mr. Aspbergers says "what does Mer want?"
WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT MER WANTS at this juncture.
He has a phenomenal Piano lab at school, a student at Classen SAS willing to give lessons, but HELL NO...
Mer gets a damn VIOLIN (just like the guitar he bought him five years ago, but never paid for lessons.

No sheet music BTW either...THAT I get to pay for with my right, no...left breast.

THEN I dared to leave him on my property without supervision, and he plowed over one of my solar lights with his stupid mower.
To which Lowes exclaimed "If you bring us the receipt we'll get a metal spike out of a box" (Oh, yeah, right...THAT receipt I kept)

I'm trying, Oh if you only knew how hard I was trying.
Overdrawn due to food stamps being cut, and "Sigmund the Sea Monster" shows up with a violin that would feed his son for several months...like a Prince!

The realization of what a complete and utter bitch I am is truly sinking in.
Are we going to listen to a 10 yr old as dictated by a...FIVE yr old...or am I going to make my child's life better than mine was?

Regardless...he sure looks cute with that tiny violin.
(I didn't know they made them so small) and MER is happy, which is all that matters.
I'll shut my mouth now, but thank you for reading.

I Have Lived An Icredibly Amazing Life!

...for this alone I am blessed beyond any sense of reason.
How I've done the things I've done by myself...this blows my socks off.

Never have I given up, never have I said (truly) "I quit"...
Nothing ever turns out  the way we "Expect" it to...sometimes it's better!

No A/C, so it's damn hot, my hands keep slipping off they keyboard. : )
I'll figure it out, I have the Nets directions and a toolbox to make any man drool. No fool am I...unless you ask Mer.

"Mom, why don't you just call someone to come fix it?"

He's such a little male.
BECAUSE you are going to art camp, that's why (not that I'd tell him this)
I bought this worthless home warranty in September, thinking the $590 I spent would cover the faulty central A/C.

Wrong.

Did you know your air conditioning is considered part of the plumbing in a home? Since they found roots in my lines back in 12/07 my plumbing is now voided...stop laughing.

NEVER use American Home Warranty, no matter what. They'll wiggle out of a Houdini straight jacket in a split second. You can do it yourself.

So Mama s now a heat and air...person, making sure not to cross the red wires with the black. Have you seen the movie "Mama Mia"?

Indigo Girls trump Michael Jackson any day...

"I'm tryin' to tell you somthin' bout my life, maybe give me insight between black and white, the best thing you ever done for me is to help me take my life less seriously...it's only life after all"

Life...is GOOD, life is simply LIFE!

INTRO-spection Equals Red, Swollen Dog Vaginas

When one takes the time to look inside, not out.
When one takes the time to accept people (ALL people) for who they are...one receives peace.

The truth is, it's not Mer who's disappointed and hurt by the Dono-, er I mean his father...tis I. I'm the one who hasn't let go, I'm the one who holds the resentments.

Mer has never known anything different, therefore no expectations for his father to BE different. I on the other hand, remember when...

Guess what, "When" is long gone, and has been for, oh...I don't know ELEVEN YEARS. Sheesh.
It's like the cartoon when the light bulb suddenly appears over the characters head...I finally got my light bulb. (eco-friendly of course)

Mer accepts, and to some degree loves his father in his own way.
My job is to stay the Hell out of it and stop trying to "Protect" Mer from getting hurt (by my resentments)

I shall now attempt to clean off the roof of the house, which involves climbing a ladder and 100 degree heat, BUT...no Prince in wolfs clothing...or however it goes, is around to do it for me, SO...mama does it herself, as she does it ALL. (ROAR!)

Man I wouldn't trade this life, no matter how much crap has piled up in my office...This is MY life and I answer to no one, no man...

Oh Christ how I wish I had a man! (relapse) I'm OK now, eh hem.

The dogs vagina has a rash, she itches constantly all over her little body, so three times a day I give this fucking rescue dog benadryl in a treat w/ peanut butter, put aloe vera all over her, and have purchased Eukanuba "Sensitive Skin" formula.

How in the Hell did this happen, that I would have a baby again...and the hair, I wont even go into the hair. We have concrete floors, so in order for her to get enough traction to scratch she goes to the throw rugs (which used to be multi-colored Mexican rugs and are now WHITE.

It breaks my heart to take her to a Vet (sheisters) but it looks like I'll have to, unless I can find an organic vet...you should see this pour baby's vagayjay! Red, swollen, itchy...and last night I found the first flea. (I just say how it is)

I'd rather have a house full of tarantula's than fleas.

So as Mer BONDS with his father (barf) I will do my best to support it until it SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME! I will take care of the fucking dog and be one of those bitter old women who can only love their animals.

...and that cute little mutt made me love it.

I Fell For it Again & Mer Got Hurt...Again

I...am a rip-roaring bitch when it comes to my child.
On Sunday, the donors stupid birthday, mer decided he wanted to pick out a key-chain and give him a framed photo of his soccer pictures.

Me, being the ever-loving-never-forgetting-the idiot-hasn't-changed-in-eleven-years mother I am...said "Of course we can sweetheart.

I fell for it.
I fell for the LIE when he said "I'll be there at 6PM sharp"
No, for real, I truly believed he'd never, ever, disappoint Mer again because... it has a girlthing.

My hopes were the feminine influence would cajole said donor into following through with his commitment. We waited until almost 8pm and left. Had it not been for he young waitress, his stupid gift would've sat there as we left. Mer doing all he could to act as if he didn't care...that's why my ten-year-old cried himself to sleep that night.

I'VE TRIED DILIGENTLY TO INCLUDE "Sigmund The Sea Monster" in all of Mer' extracurricular activities. From Scoutingt to Dance, to his three week long camp at ARTWORKS. Allowing myself to be held hostage for pennies again. I've invited "SIG" and his THING on picnics, over for dinner...all for the sake of developng a relationship with mer.

The reality, and I'm hard nosed on this one, not the first time you've heard me rant about The Donor, is...he doesn't want to be a father in any way shape or form.
He finally found an ovum he could implant and that's that.
End of story.

Beginning of mine. Halelujia!

I suspect there is a finding in the letting go, although I've single handedly with no family, no Holidays but mer & I, no EXCUSE for not giving this child all I have, found a way through grace and faith in a Universe so enormous...to do it. To give his life value and meaning.

Through the school he atends, the teachers he has, the excitement of being a child. Something I didn't receive. (Being the perfect child I was)

To Hell with his father, he was never a father, and many moms reading this will undersstand. We love our babies more than life...and then there's the other halves who want a nut more than to see a picture their child drew.

I've dreampt of daddy's who would love Mer like their own, truth be known he would always be someone elses child. So I do it alone, and I do it well you sonofabitch : )

Nuff said.

Le Petit Frida at The Unemployed Philosophers Guild

So about a year ago a friend of mine went to Mexico and brought me back all this Frida Kahlo stuff.

Next to Kandinsky & Klee, Frida, (who's "Self Portrait with Monkey" along with an Icon of Christ were placed above my crib as an infant...we're talking 1964, so my twisted personality began early) is one of, if not THE expression of my pain & loss. Using her art to survive insurmountable pain throughout her life. Emotional and otherwise.

On one of the tags to a gift was a website called PhilosophersGuild.com
So I decided to check them out. OMG...I found a Frida doll! Complete with uni-brow, skirt and pearls...check her out here. I mean how flippin cool is this?

Almost as cool as the finger puppets. You think I'm kidding?
I almost ordered the Emma Goldman puppet, but became so angry I couldn't locate my credit card...

"Sucker" (uhh, that would be me)

It's 4:30am and I'm cleaning pee.

I might as well be changing diapers for Christs sake.
The VERY cool part is the concrete floors. It's as if Achilles is just meant to be here. True, the coloring of Mer's bedroom floor has taken on...how can I say this, a deeper shade of azure blue in some areas. It's a floor. She is a creature of love. Big flippin deal.

Which doesn't bother me since I have a product that takes away the odor and stains like nothing I've ever tried. (from vinegar to boric acid) Even before the human in a dog costume came to live with us, absolutely nothing would clean these floors.

The economy sucks right now, and I know everyone is saying "It hasn't affected Oklahoma", but every other day someone stops at our house trying to either paint house numbers on the curb, or sell me something.

Two weeks ago a man came by with am eco-friendly product called "Clean & Simple" ...."Yeah, yeah, yeah, look buddy I understand times are tough, but they are for me also" he kept right on pitching me. Dropped to my tire and cleaned the rust off my wheel rim.

"Do you have pets?"

I said "Come here I want to smell you something" and he followed me into the house where Mer was sitting on the couch rolling his 1/4 th Greek eyes at me.

"Look at that, and that, and THAT" I said "Nothing gets the discoloration and odor out of these floors."

"Wow" exclaimed the former AT&T employee, "I've never seen floors like these before!" (Perma Crete, but make sure you NEVER lay it over pre-existing tile)

So Mr. Whateverhisnamewas, dropped to his knees, pulled out his handy dandy metal brush, squirted a small amount on a spot and started scrubbing in a circular motion. Within seconds I had a beautiful teal...circle. Then he wanted like $75 a gallon. Sure, like that's going to happen.

He left me his number, which has fallen into the dark abyss that is my office, I thanked him and requested he leave. Which he did.
I looked over at Mer and he was NOW shaking his head AND rolling his eyes. (am I married? Crap)

I started cooking dinner (because I eat for twelve) when I hear Mer yell "That guy is back!" (like a stray dog)
Going to the PORCH this time with Achilles losing her mind, he says "I found an extra squirt bottle in my truck...keep it, no charge."

"Really?" "Really"
Either extremely nice man or extremely good salesman...or both.
(but you're not coming back in my house regardless of the heat)
I offered him something to drink and we sat on the porch drinking iced Chai tea.

Everyone has a story, every life has value, and sometimes all we need is someone to listen.

Now...all I need is more "Clean & Simple"
(Sucker)

"If I we're a Rich Mom, yadadadadadadum!"

I want...Oh so many things, but right now I want ceiling fans in each room and on the veranda.
How's that for self preservation? (Running the A/C at night when it's 68 degrees is ridiculous) We have no air flow due to all the trees and the flat concrete thing I own.

In lieu of the above mentioned ceiling fans, Mer-Boy will attend "ARTWORKS". A three week long art camp provided by the city arts council.
(Whether he likes it or not says Mother Rose)

The beauty of Stage Center, is, well it looks like our home....
Concrete and re-bar showing through the walls, long narrow corridors with brilliant colors. It's a bit lacking in windows, where as I, Mother Rose would be claustrophobic if left too long. Read about it please, phenom!

You see the '70's were different. Parents were "Finding themselves" instead of their children. Oh, some did, but only to make a political/creative statement. "LOOK what MY child can do!"

I know where those 70's babies of the brat pack are now, and it's not much better than where I am. We, as in us, had our babies later in life, learned about global warming, HATED disposable diapers filling our mother...we've grown our own food, home schooled many, were changing the cycle (LOL)

So our children can be card carrying Republicans once again.
(Hey, I'm still registered Rep., but that's only due to "Him")

Wanting ceiling fans and a green roof, wanting to make this Earth better for our children...those are good wants. I get tired of being cattle. (Moo)
As gas prices are rising to $3 a gallon, and no one can afford to give their children a vacation across America in the back of a Ford Rambler Station Wagon...what's it all about, Alfie?

Mer will learn much attending ARTWORKS. He may not realize it for years to come...but this, THIS is why I took the grant writing course.
501(c)(3)'s who expose children to everything from better nutrition to a level of the Arts they may otherwise be unable to experience.

We, as communities have an obligation to mold these young lives as best we can. Lead-a-horse-to-water-type thinking.

Whether they are still wrapped in a Mobi, or are telling you they hate your guts...by God we owe them...they are all of ours.

Mer-boy Punches His Friend in the Mouth (can't imagine why)

This whole frontal lobe testosterone thing is about to kill me.

I understand the psychology behind what happened. Dog bite, frustration, pecking order, emotions unable to control...but I have never laid a hand on my child in his life. We don't use physical violence as an acceptable form of communicating feelings...(until now I guess)

In discussing, because that's what we DO, Achilles biting Mer, the truth came out he was (get this) blowing in the dogs ear. Apparently something Mer has done on and off since we rescued her, because he thinks it's funny how she turns around and...well, you know how dogs are when you blow in their ear. THEY DON'T LIKE IT.

Achilles finally got (please pardon the pun here, it's early) "An ear-full" and told him, the only way she knew how to knock it the Hell off. I hope he got the message, because she could've ripped his face off.

It's like having a younger sibling, not the face-ripping part, he's partly jealous of the time Achilles is with me (sigh), and partly the amount of...RESPONSIBILITIES having a dog entails. When Mer wants to play a video game, Achilles wants his attention NOW. If she doesn't get it, she finds something of his and chews it up.

Can you say "Bakugan", ipod Ear buds, and sundry items at her disposal?

Achilles is just being Achilles. She's a Rat Terrier...what the Hell do you expect? All she wants to do is fly. She runs like a rabbit, can catch wild cats, squirrels, and one opossum who gave her a nasty bite.
Then she'll lay in your lap with her eyes closed as you rub her belly.

Achilles is a good dog...as long as you don't blow in her ear.

Mer is growing at the speed of light. A toddler I knew, a Kindergartner I knew, all through the last almost eleven years I KNEW. Now I have a pre-teen who wants me, but doesn't...and I'm out of my parenting territory.

Part of me wants to "High Five"  him for sticking up for himself with the kid he slugged. He's angry he's small, he's scared he's going to die, he's pissed at his father, he's furious we don't have a new car, we lost our big home, that I treat him like a baby half the time, it just goes on.

I'm going with the frontal lobe-testosterone theory.

I love this child with all my being and then some, but I must allow him the right to be angry at me.

The best thing I can do now is help Mer find appropriate outlets to express his anger, which I'm trying to do.

He is so creative it's mind boggling, so intelligent it scares me I cannot keep up.

But the anger...

It's part of the process.

Dog Bites Mer-boy in the Mouth...WTF?

I have to put the dog down, I don't see any way around it. A dog bites a child and that's behavioral. In it's nature, she's just too broken.
I cannot risk taking her around other children, cannot risk giving her away. If she did it once, she'll do it again GOD DAMN IT...I love that stupid dog. I've worked diligently since November to socialize and heal her abuse. Some creatures are so broken, so if you have ANY real advice, no "Opinions" please...I'd be grateful for feedback asap.

Because I'm completely wanting to take the beast out back "Great Depression Style" and put a slug in it's head, I'm cooking (which is ALL I do lately) instead.

Ribs w/vidalia onions, carrots and new potatoes. (I don't know if that's how it's supposed to be done or not, but it smells good as Hell)

I've lost my mind. I don't cook, I take the baby to Zorba's for shish kabob on pilaf. I literally had to call another mother to figure out how to cook some weird form of meat the other night...a "Round Steak" perhaps? Don't know.

Our Food Stamps were cut to...get this, $16 a month due to my income increasing from his fathers wages being garnished for child support, but they only give me less than half the garnishment (insert eye rolling). Like the Feds think a mother can feed a child on $16 a month healthily.

If I were a Foster parent with 14 kids, I'd be raking in the dough, but I'm only a parent with ONE so I guess I get to talk trash. (I'm a big old trash-talker)

The only thing $16 a mo. allows my child is free breakfast and lunches at school. (To hell with Summer break nutrition) And by now I hope you know what they feed my child and yours is utterly unacceptable.

The reality of having to grovel after the abuser makes you wonder what the state and federal government truly want you to become?
Productive members of society or sign fliers who are abused into nothingness?

Hey...great helpers of domestic violence victims, remember when you helped me after "He" threw me out of our 3800sq ft home? Remember when I was sleeping in my broken down Honda (Oh Christ she's not singing that song again is she?) Well...do YOU? Now you garnish his wages and keep HALF because you helped me THEN. THAT, is absurd. So out of the garnishment, I get crapola to raise his child. I call bullshit.

I will never give up, I will never quit trying to change things for myself and other little ones. I am my fathers child. If you know what I mean, no explanation needed. If you don't, stick around.

We have babies, children starving in a city which is spending millions on architecture over the S. Canadian River.

A boat club down there now....a walking track..it's all about "The Pretty" and underneath the pretty is an ugly shade of slate. Where children go hungry and adults are hustling to make a buck.

If you're old enough to remember the movie "Network" with Faye Dunaway, William Holden and Peter Finch...you remember the "I'm as Mad as Hell and I'm Not Going To Take this Anymore" diatribe Finch reels live at the cameras during a lightening storm.

If you're not, here. Sit back and "enjoy". Odd how not much has changed in over 30 years.

Dirt Under Your Nails is Akin to Baby Poop Under Your Nails.

I...should be at the pool. That's what I DO for God's sake.
Anyone who's ever known me knows...I go to the pool, and don't leave until September. (I tell everyone I'm 62 now)

DAMN...lookin good mama! Eh hem.

Digressing.

I haven't been writing because I became so wrapped up in this "Committee" to engage healthy foods in OKCPS, so busy trying to change the world instead of myself, kinda slipped my mind. These words are what heals my heart, what carried me through the day.

Now I lay in bed at night and worry about things like the A/C breaking, how I'll pay off monetary debts, what if the dog has worms, do others think I'm an odd bird, will my vegetables survive?
Sure sign of lunacy.

My front yard and court yard are a magical wonderland of lights and blooming so-far-haven't-killed-them-yet things. (photo's to follow)

Mer-boy left for Chalice Camp this morning it's been exactly five years since I began writing after I finished school....and many don't like the way in which I present my opinion here. I either am who I am for me, or I am nothing.

(If I was getting paid to write here, that would be a different story.)

Time seems to fly and work is picking up, committees, children, sunshine and good strong rains now and then. (I am OLD...I LOVE my Garden)
Never did I think we could make this place so wonderful after the loss of 44th street. Dirt under your nails is akin to baby poop under your nails.

One works diligently to raise a child to be a decent human being...then as it should be, they begin to push you away, need freedom and room to grow. One then has the choice of restraining that growth or encouraging it.
My father gave me good strong values as a child, then let me go. When I messed up, which I did on a consistent basis...he was there for me always.

I ran into Mer's "Pater" yesterday, and cried and cried in his arms. In public, in a circle K parking lot. I needed to I guess. Mer at Chalice Camp safe and having fun...the flood gates opened after the longest school year of my life. I feel strong again this morning (mentally) He's in a relationship.

I don't want a relationship, I've had my share.
What I want is good friends, a happy child, time to read, excellent meals, a clean office would be nice, and eight additional hours in the day.

As I'm walking through the discomfort of losses in my life, I walk barefoot.

Check out my Guestbook!

'Aint He Beautiful?

I am one tired mama.

The last week of Elementary school should be equivalent to boot camp.
It's ridiculous and exhausting within range of right & wrong.

Mer-boy won two awards finally yesterday...they over-looked him until I doped him up on Amphetamine salts...it's so exhausting to watch this beautiful free spirit, be shamed for not fitting inside "the Box'

Absberger's is misunderstood...Ehlers Danlos has no cure...and you can forget about growth hormones unless you have bitchin' insurance at 10K a MONTH.
"Well,, sayeth the Physician, what did you do wrong during your pregnancy.

I ate right, I exercised, took every vitamin under the sun (I believe I re-roofed a two-story home in fact)...but I divorced
the SOB before it cost me my child...so I fight the "Good" fight, as I've always done.

My child is my life. I cannot explain it in lay terms any better than that.
He wakes me up with a smile, he smells of roses, and it's hard as hell to let him go (grow).

This committee I'm on, whether I was used to establish a grant writing certificate or given a task to shut me the hell up (because you know how opinionated I am...I am my my fathers child...leaves me with the "Charity Case Blues'...Oh honey how I wish they knew.
Who
What
When
Where
Why...in the Hell would they think our case is anything more than "shut them rich women up?"

Oh gee I dunno, maybe it's because our children are valuable creatures of light and love...sparkling balls of energy who picked us because they KNEW we could fight the good fight for them?

The Course I took, whether it be a way to keep me occupied or a way for me to make a difference, pales in comparison to being married to one of the movers and shakers in this town. Been there, done that, noooo thanks. I'll stick to living my glass house, not even acknowledging "The Box".

Having your shin kicked under the table at an OK Arts Council dinner for saying "I don't care if Frida Kahlo was a communist...I still love her work." Told me this "Mover & Shaker could keep right on moving.

But, 'aint he beautiful?

"The Adventures of Rocky & Skye" by Kelly DuMar as Performed by "Mer-Boy" & Sam M.

The 2009 Memorial Marathon...(I hobble to forget)

Broadcast Journalism was something I wanted to do from an early age.
Watching handsome anchors on our bubble Zenith, feet propped on the screen...

Christianne Ahmanpoor changed it all for me, watching her rock the Middle East, believing I could rock the midwest.

So I did, the over achiever I am. I climbed that freakin mountain all the way to the top. Graduating head of my class against those "heads" who thought their good looks and anti-inflection would take them anywhere.

For a few it did, but not for me, April 19, 1995 changed it all.

A week in the media pit in a satellite truck editing raw footage of The Murrah Federal Building bombing left me unable to enter a 7-11 for two years. Let alone pursue my chosen career.

*************************************************************

This past weekend Mer and I "Ran" in the OKC Memorial Marathon.
It was more like I hobbled and pulled Mer, Jesus what a pair.
A broken mother and a kid with EDS trying to run a mile without stopping.
I "Fireman" carried Mer after his knees gave out, but by God he ran across the finish line.

Seeing the Dr. Yesterday I was scolded beyond belief. "WHAT were you THINKING?" (Uuuh, I wasn't. Mer wanted to participate so we did.)
"Do you have ANY idea what you may have DONE to your SPINE?"
(Uuuh, no?)

Chiropractor's are so emotional.

I'd hoped going back and facing the destruction with my child would've alleviated some stress. My goal wasn't so much to run as to face the fury. I usually don't go downtown unless I absolutely have to.

With summer approaching, some possibilities on the horizon, all I want to do is produce results, finish the house, get the hell out of here. Results take action and funds, but like running a mile it's still one foot in front of the other.

Mer ~ I'm so proud of you honey. You are my heart child...and, I love you more than anything else in the whole wide world.

Craig & Carter's Famous Fish Taco's...Oh Yeah Baby!

The opening day of the OKC Arts Festival couldn't have been better! Heated by perfect temps and clear skies of brilliant sunshine. Though none was seen from under the tent, the BIG RED TENT adorned with a symbol of So Cal flavor.

Yes ladies and Gentlemen it's CRAIG & CARTER'S FAMOUS FISH TACO'S partnering with WILSON ARTS INC.

It's that time of year again, and yes they're still the best (and only) Fish Taco's in OKC!

Has it really been a year since this? Oh my how time has flown...
Carter Tague, more dashing than ever, more the Chef than ever, more the guy-who-knows-everyone-in-OKC than ever...is dear to my heart.

Yesterday we had a tent full of wildcats disguised as PTA moms slinging Fish Tacos, and what a hoot it was. (I kept waiting for one of us to do a table dance, but alas, there were no tables)

As were all aging gracefully into this middle part of our lives, I'm always stunned by the people, the "Suits", the who arrive at the tent on their lunch hour looking so, so, so unhappy about their lives, so stressed about LIFE.

I watch as they try with every ounce of self-will and determination to not make a mess while eating a fish taco, searching with unmitigated vigor for the perfect place to take a bite...

Once craving over rides self-will and the palate is lit, elbows rise in futile attempts at keeping the chipolte creme' dressing at bay...a smile, no...a chuckle can be heard as the stiffness slips away, and LIFE and all it's messiness explodes in a delicious moment of satisfaction.

Many a dry cleaners will find a curious stain upon expensive sleeves this week, and wonder???

Apostol will be performing LIVE through Friday at the OKC Arts Festival, Craig & Carter's Famous Fish Taco's...

(Special thanks to Mike Pagonas at "The Peacock" for helping with parking!)

Eat Wise OKC Presents "What Bunnies Eat"

The Eat Wise committee, without a lick of help from "She who had no time", pulled together a phenomenal presentation to the 1st grade classes at Wilson Arts Integration School yesterday.

Watching these children become enthralled by vegetables, brought together in part by one of the teachers favorite books "Tops and Bottoms" by Janet Stevens, made it apparent a standard, circulating presentation like this is needed in each primary school in the district.

I watched the faces light up at the sight of a giant celery root, a shiny deep eggplant, the aroma of fresh asparagus, artichoke and fennel...their world opened up.

A child's knowledge expanded.
Senses were stimulated as all sixty 1st graders first saw, smelled, learned about, touched, and finally ate the vegetables on their plates.
When you educate a child's senses, something sticks for life.

Pulling the giant celery root from it's container yesterday, brought back the aroma's in my Greek Yia Yia's kitchen, the gardens I've plotted in the past, and the garden I'm plotting now.

The earth will sustain us if we utilize her gifts of abundance.

We can give a child a Nintendo DSi, or we can give them knowledge through expanded senses...and a hand spade. (or both with limitations)

I'm proud to be a member of a community of parents who believe things can change.

Nine-Years Later

I will always trust my gut, but that doesn't mean it speaks quickly.

I'm all for the Oklahoma Family Rights Coalition requesting an overhaul of OKDHS. There are individuals within the system who also agree this needs to happen.

When you are dealing with a system as poorly structured as ours, families inadvertently get hurt in the process. What I witnessed sitting in courtrooms for five years were mostly parents who didn't give a damn one way or another...they'd just go "Make more".

I watched fathers brought in from county jail in handcuffs, mothers who showed up for hearings dressed like they were working a corner, and showed no respect whatsoever to the man at the bench.
Between all the Attorneys, Guardian Ad-litems, CASA's, CSW, Therapists, Counselors...there were children's lives in the balance.

I'm playing devils advocate here, only for a moment so bear with me.

Yes, we know CSW, Fosters, etc., are all "Trained" to view parents as perpetrators under any and all circumstances. This is where the overhaul has to occur. A way to thin out the families who are doing no wrong, who are good parents and love their children to the core of their being.

Nothing like this exists. Or at least existed when my daughter was removed, but not my son...We were not bad parents or bad people. We were paying taxes, contributing to society, lived in an upper class suburban neighborhood.

The OBGYN who delivered my daughter attended the same church as the Foster mother where my daughter was placed at five days old (and who was eventually adopted by)

I pulled the page relating to my experience with DHS out of fear and embarrassment. You hear people whisper "She must have done SOMETHING wrong, you know" There are times I care what people think, and times I could give a rats ass.

Athena George turns nine-years-old on the 20th of April. This will be the first year I'm not sending gifts and a card. The first year I'm not going to grovel for her adoptive mother to hold up her end of the open adoption agreement. (sealed without my knowledge)

It's been nine years, it's time to let go of the dream Mer will have his sister to grow up with.

Athena will find us someday, and then she'll understand why she feels the way she does deep inside. All I can do for Mer is continue to love him and be there for him, but I'll never take the place of the sister he lost.

My anger towards the system runs deep, but I do my best to channel that anger into pro-active behavior. "Anniversary time" is the most difficult, as it is for any mother who's lost a child.

Any future contact will be made directly to the woman who illegaly adopted my daughter. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, knowing the brain washing, heart-string tugging, "Horror Films" perspective foster parents are shown of children living under porches of abandoned houses for months on end, scavenging for food.

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt because she avoided me for five years. Sending her aging mother to supervise all visits and pick-up/drop-offs with my daughter.

She had it under control as long as she didn't get to know me. As long as she could maintain the illusion I was a monster she could live with herself, but what about the child she claims as her own?

How is she going to convey her illusion to my daughter? What happens when we all finally see each other again and I'm not the monster?

How unfair this has been to my children.

Ronel ~ If you have nothing to hide I see no problem in allowing my children, at the very least, play dates you and I could enjoy together.
If the word "My" bothers you, you should've considered what you were doing getting involved with OKDHS. You could choose to stop living in fear you'll run into us at the grocery store, or that the children may go to school together.

Nothing changes the fact these children are full siblings one year apart.

Children are not possessions. They have their own minds, can make amazing choices given adequate demonstration of such, and will love you unconditionally unless you abuse their trust repeatedly.

Don't blow it with Athena please.

Messages

I get so wrapped up in a system of thinking, a passion for what is right, a belief I know in my heart things can change...one person at a time.

If I was sent a message over the last two weeks, I hope I've managed to send one back. These are perhaps a simple series of coincidences.(yet I believe the Universe is a divine mathematical equation, therefore nothing happens by mistake)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After contacting our Congerss Woman's office immediately following DHS' informing me they "Knew last month" my son would be losing his benefits, I went in person to sign a "Privacy Release Act", allowing the Congressional Liaison's to communicate.

By Thursday afternoon our Congress Woman's office was telling me Soc. Sec. response was, and I quote "The address has been updated", nothing more. I was directed to go to Soc Sec with nothing but myself and tell them her office sent me.

On Friday morning I did just that, arriving early enough to have an hour and a half long conversation with a mother, an educator from Putnam City Dist. who was turning sixty-five. She had been the single mother of a child with severe ADHD for seven years. In a little over an hour, I was given the gift of one mothers story through the educational, federal, and local system...sometimes you're meant to be right where you are.

Once inside, their excuse for why Mer's Social Security was terminated?

Mer was up for annual review (which S.S. acknowledged I do without fail) When I changed addresses three years ago, someone only entered it in the system in ONE place and with a child you have to enter it in FOUR places.

Their explaination as to why I'd received mail peratining to Mer from Social Security since then was "the post office forwards mail for a year or so then stops" (No, I'm serious)

...of course they couldn't cut me a check right then like Mer's Disability Law Advocate directed me to request (they claimed it would take ten days for a check to be issued)...but he assured me it would be in Mer's dedicated account by Tuesday at the latest.

I will tell you this gentleman couldn't have been MORE apologetic, couldn't have been MORE polite and kind towards a mother who follows the rules to a fault.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This particular story wont end until I know my child is cared for no matter what. (Completing my degree feels like a dream) I am not the mother I was ten years ago, nine years ago. I know my rights under the constitution. I know my child, as a person with disabilities is protected additionally.

Sadly enough, nine years ago I didn't know these things and part of me curled up in a ball and died. I refuse to curl up in that ball ever again.
However, I'm taking a long hard look at where my energy is best spent.

When an individual doesn't want to uncurl themselves, when they simply want to bellow about the unfairness of the world instead of taking action, when they cannot see past the end of their nose to what's truly best for their children, and thus take whatever measures necessary to correct their circumstances...you kind of have to say WTF?

It's like thinking that knight in shining armor is going to come rescue you from your own decisions.

Mer-boy's Social Security Case Closed With No Explanation

As of this morning I became aware, my son's disability was terminated.
No letters, nothing informing me this would take effect April 1st.

However, OKDHS knew in advance last month his case was being closed. (they've now raised his food stamps to nearly $300 a month)

Can you say "Harassment"?

You might think I'm ignorant for writing the truth when the way I'm able to keep my child out of state-sanctioned day care, provide adequate schooling, full parenting, extracurricular activities, shelter, etc., lies in the hands of (perhaps) individuals involved in less than stellar performance.

If we don't come together as communities and hold civil servants, social services, etc, accountable for their actions...nothing is going to change.

Nothing.

Does anyone know who the President of the United States is today?
Is anyone aware we all became sick and tired of being bullied by a tyrant?

So we stand up...and if they knock us down, so to speak, we stand back up.

My life is an open and clean slate with nothing to hide. Anyone who knows me knows everything I do is for the care and advancement of my son.

It's unacceptable to terminate a child's disability without notice.
Not without reason, suspect, failure to comply with Federal regulations, and by Social Security's violating of Federal guidelines thus take away from a child's quality of life...

...and no, I'm not going to be quiet now.

Local Parents Advocating For Their Children's Health and Nutrition

The vendor contract is up for bid for Child Nutrition Services.
Chartwells has carried the contract for the last five (count them) years.

This is a copy of the menu OKCPS children eat on a cyclical basis.

Download Elemluncmarch

Allegedly there will be an opportunity to have a new vendor set in place by July of this year. (cough, cough)

OKCPS Director of Purchasing was quoted as saying "selling a la carte items on the food service line brings in 'extra revenue' to fund the maintenance of school cafeteria equipment."  Some parents would argue that this money should come through the budgeting process.

"If there simply isn't any money available, there has to be a better way to raise it (PTAs, private/public grants) then selling cookies and chips to the 33,000 children in the OKCPS district who are receiving free or reduced lunch (their are 38,000 children total)."

New Orleans has the Edible Schoolyard, which includes The Kitchen Project a community OKCPS can only dream about at this time, some day coming to fruition.

Building these "Relationships" as you will, with the individuals in charge of feeding our children, is a matter of circumstance.
If enough parents cry out in awareness, rally to make changes "In the best interest of their children", this "Bidding Process" will be taken to heart.

The options are numerous, with 38 documented case studies of schools successfully altering they're nutritional service providers without falling short fiscally...and most importantly to the benefit of the children.

 Vermont Feed has established a farm-to-school program, whose mission statement:

 "Vfeed works with schools and communities to raise awareness about healthy food, the role of Vermont farms and farmers, and good nutrition. We act as a catalyst for rebuilding healthy food sys-tems, and to cultivate links between the classrooms, cafeterias, local farms, and communities."

In 2004 Congress made the pilot program, Produce for Better Health permanent...but it's only utilized in eight states and three Indian Territories.

In The OKCPS "Nutrition" is a Four Letter Word

After meeting with the OKCPS Superintendent last week, I've had time to reflect on some of the issues discussed.

Our PTA Committee offshoot group, has spent an enormous amount of time and energy in an attempt to rectify the nutrition problems within the OKCPS school lunch program. Politely, intelligently, and with consistent, but quiet efforts.

We were specifically asked to keep it out of the political arena.
Directly, and without abandon, the man in charge of overseeing our children's overall well being in the district...asked the group to keep in on the "Down Low"...

Well...how 'bout that?

Unfortunately I'm not a person capable of keeping anything on the "Down Low" regarding the lack of assertive action involving anything detrimental to children.

Having lived through bureaucratic corruption, I may always be a skeptic first. In other words, show me your words and actions sync and we can do business. If you're not looking me in the eye when you say "Yes", I'm bound to take that as a "No".

This "Let's not rock the boat" way of thinking, is hazardous to our children's immediate health as backed up by mounds of statistical evidence on early childhood nutrition.

With job losses at an all time high, the number of free or reduced meals within the school lunch program will sky-rocket. The summer programs will be utilized in record amounts, or God forbid cut all together.

Our children deserve better than the "Good Old Boy" network, of extended contracts with food service providers who barely cooperate with pro-active parents who politely, intelligently and with consistent, but quiet efforts...

Developed, through research on their own, a way to start implementing adequate nutrition for all children within the district. I DO believe the Superintendent has good intentions regarding, what I consider straving/poisoning of young bodies and minds.

We all know where good intentions will get us though.

Revolution Foods is an example of what the future of the OKCPS lunch program could be if enough parents united to represent a collective voice.

I want someone to tell me why not?

OKDHS Performance Audit February 2009

OKDHS Performance Audit by Hornby Zeller Assoc. Inc

Download OklahomaDHSPerformanceAudit

My Day at The State Capital

Follow-up:

I am diligent about reapplication procedures due to the nature of Mer-boy's medical condition.

This is the second time this worker has done this, and the second time I've contacted the people we placed in office to oversee these individuals.
The last time she was called on the carpet, the worker claimed she sent the re-ap to our old address (but she used the right address to sent the "Notices of closure" to)

She refuses to return phone calls, speaks poorly to me when she does, cut Mer's Respite Care in December (therapeutic after school/summer programs to strengthen his social interaction with peers) We have not used it in many months, Respite Care is open ended, Like fee-for-service with PCP's. If I am not mistaken this worker works FOR my son and I as a human services specialist.

My meeting went well at The Capital, my request was clear and precise:

"I requested the worker be removed from my sons case and replaced by someone else, preferably an SSDI Kids worker who's trained in dealing with special needs children.

I requested a review of my case by their Liaison, because at the time my son had no medical coverage.
I did point out how I felt it ludicrous I was expected to nourish my sons physical and psychological needs by feeding him "Filler Foods", aka, highly processed, but inexpensive foods the Food Stamp program pushes by limiting financial assistance, allowing candy, junk food, anything but alcohol to be purchased on an "Access card". I shared I was on a committee trying to get more nutritious foods in schools.
That it's documented by multiple nutrition specialists, mental health care workers, et al, poor nutrition is one of the biggest culprits of behavior problems with so many children living below the poverty level...and lack of participation by the parents of those children.
 
By 1:30PM, I received a follow-up call, letting me know the information had been passed on to the Liaison and to expect contact from her sometime before 5:00 yesterday.

I just now ended an hour long phone conversation with the Liaison, who informed me my son's case # shows I'm making over $2,000 a week for a grand total of $120,432 a year.
Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
She will find the glitch in "Hal", forward my information to her District Supervisor and let me know as soon as possible.
For now...
Mer's medical coverage has been reactivated.
Respite Care also has been reactivated.
Coincidentally, this Liaison's District Supervisor's office is located in the Juvenile Justice Building.

Can you imagine trying to feed your child heart healthy food on $56.00 a month? They figure if you're still alive at the end of the month, they've allotted too much in Food Stamp benefits.

(That's why I drive a shiny new car ya know?...because I feed Mer-boy crap so we can listen to the "The Jonas Brothers" on the CD player while cruisin' in a sweet ride... (No offense if you do, I just choose to make different investments with my $102,432.00 a year. (insert eye rolling here)

This challenge, to educate the ones unaware, and convince the ones who simply don't care...is like an evil and corroding thread, touching every aspect of our community.

The system is broken and only we can fix it.

Food Stamps Cut For "Non Compliance" AKA "Harassment"

Over the last three days I've received letters back dated two weeks stating the $56.00 a month I receive to feed my son were first...

Being raised on Tuesday to $100.00 because of "a change in Federal regulations."

Wednesday I received another letter stating the $100.00 was being cut to $16.00 because "my income changed"?

Then yesterday the final letter came stating I was being terminated from the program for "Non Compliance".

I called our Senators office immediately and made an appointment to bring the letters in. To meet with the people we placed in office and discuss the ineptness of this Human Service Employee.

If this is a case of an employee not taking the time to do her job, she needs to be replaced (this is the second time this worker has terminated my sons medical assistance for "Non Compliance")

If on the other hand this is in direct proportion to joining the Oklahoma Family Rights Coalition and having my face seen at a JD hearing...
then it's considered harassment.

Either way, I believe documentation at the highest level is called for.

State Question 745 Overhaul OKDHS/CPS

If you haven't heard about SQ745 by now, you will.

Please take the time to read Index of Document Archive seeing for yourself especially the "Compendium" by R. Brown of Arkansas.

I started this site nearly five years ago in an attempt to heal from the loss of my daughter at the hands of OKDHS...what happened was I found a network of people across the U.S. who had also been victimized by CPS.

Then I got scared.

I quit writing about the corruption because I was just one woman. I was afraid they would come take Mer again like they had in the past.

Unless you have lived it, unless you have experienced your constitutional rights being violated with nowhere to turn...because the monster is too big, no Attorney wants to tackle it, you've run out of money, lost everything precious to you in the world...

You don't have a clue.

Here are a few others fighting for the system to change:

FamilyRights.us
ParentalRights.org
SaveAParent.org
connecticutDCFwatch.com
FightCPS.com
nfpcar.org
LegallyKidnapped.blogspot.com
Kidjacked.com 

I recall finding several of these sites back then, but they weren't local...
Take some time and have a good read, see what's happening in this country, contact anyone of us connected with SQ745 and sign the petition before you lose your children for homeschooling, feeding organic, unschooling, composting too close to your home, some of the allegations of "Neglect" have become so outrageous...all for a "Body Count"

If you want to go back to the beginning of this site, by all means read away...my time today is spent advocating for parents who DON'T know their rights.

Educate yourself.

Spring Break's 'Aint What They Used to Be...

Attending an acquaintance's JD case this morning in connection with SQ 745...
spent most of Mer's Spring Break working on a site, running and...running.

I don't even have enough time these days to write, and that saddens the writer, snif snerf.

I need hormone replacement therapy, and sentences that don't begin with "I"

Being apart of a pro-active group of people, enlightened about their Constitutional Rights, with no one telling them they're crazy....whew!

The "If Only's" will kill your spirit if you let them.

No Organic Unitarian Webelo Left Behind

So were making our cake last night for the silent auction at the B&G banquet, and I'm trying to modify the recipe with applesauce to make it less deadly and Mer says "Mom, I have something to tell you"

I'm thinking shit, what happened because I dared to try and catch up on work and wasn't at school every day? "Mom, I had a cinnamon Bun for breakfast this morning at school. It looked so good, I just HAD to have it"

"Thank you for being honest with me, do you feel better?"
"Uh huh"
"Do your best to make healthy choices for yourself next time"
"OK, but Mom, if I didn't SEE the cinnamon Bun I wouldn't want it so bad."

There in lies the problem...

Alice Waters Op-ed in the NYT's  "No Lunch Left Behind" has drawn so much attention over the last two weeks, and for a good reason.
The solution I fear, will become too political to implement change. That's the I've-lived-in-Oklahoma-too-long skeptic in me shining through.

I'm in regroup mode right now, taking in all the data, doing my own research, interested to find out who's serious, and who's simply using the cause to boost a career. Watching to see what happens over the next month. When groups, causes, associations, become exclusive once they attain a specific hierarchy of leadership and goals...if it becomes something other than what's best for all children.

...that's something to consider.

The right wing political influence in this state is so strong, one meeting with the Superintendent isn't going to change it. I had a hard time believing he was going to even read the material we left...but one can dream. He was a nice enough man, but still a politician with a ton on his plate.

The advantage the leaders of our group have is who they're married to, where they live and who they know. A group of mothers living in city housing, wouldn't have a snowballs chance in Hell of getting this far.

When I was living in the projects with no vehicle, no furniture, and a toddler I was feeding through food banks, I was terribly worried about my sons future, his education, what I would do to change the course my life had taken. I'd lay awake at night with this beautiful sleeping angel in my arms who smelled like roses, scared to death I'd never get him out of there. The last thing on my mind was whether or not the food I fed him was nutritious...I was just grateful he wasn't hungry.

So I'm waiting to see if they use their powers for good, or ill...waiting to see if they include all perspectives or not. Saying "They" instead of "Us" says much.

We shall see.

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Mer is having his Blue & Gold Banquet today, crossing over from a Webelo I, to a Webelo II...and I'm keeping my mouth shut.

The controversy surrounding the "Religion in Life" badge because we are Unitarian Universalists, (the wording of the oath Mer must take, which pledges duty to God...you know?) and the UUA have been at odds with the BSA for many a year over their stance on Homosexuality, God, Canadian Geese, et al...

UU's are "Intellectual activists", were pro-active on many social justice issues...We still negotiate the BSA issue after almost twenty years. We have the only green sanctuary in a city littered with churches. (insert eye rolling here) Eh hem...

I adore our troop, these people have become family to us...but the other troops I've visited are not as tolerant, loving, kind, patient...the word "Militant" comes to mind.

Wednesday I ran over to the *Scout Shop* to buy Mer's Khaki shirt for his cross over. The Scout/Salesman, did everything but call our group a bunch of uncivilized, dishonorable, anti-scouts, due to the precious informality of our Troop and Leaders.

"What do you mean he doesn't wear the OFFICIAL Scout belt?"
"You mean he doesn't have green pants...what does he WEAR?"
"He HAS to have this, and this, and this, and this..."

My hands were full. So I set all this militant crap down on the counter, dug my phone out of my lap top case, and called my troop leader.
...I left with a shirt and one badge...

Giant Boy Scout guy says, and I quote: "You all really ARE informal...but you're not doing it the RIGHT way!"...and turned on his OFFICIAL scout boots and stomped off.

My Slumdog Millionaire