For a while now, you may have noticed my posts have been worthless, boring, empty banter about nothing whatsoever of value.
Hitting an all time low with the last one, I decided it was time to extrapolate a bit on my recent state of mind.
Not well folks, not well at all.
Here's the deal:
I am STILL on welfare, as a most beautifully written post by brownfemipower touching on two of the issues in the forefront of my mind lately, aptly describes.
My dear friend "anonymous", who's life and lies to self and his betrothed, I fear will cost him just that.
One does not just "Get over" being trans, or queer, or bi, or a republican. Some things you just ARE...end of story, or is it?
Decisions I've made in my life, some have left unalterable consequences in my path... for a very long time. A very long time.
Some, have harmed others so severely, I will for many years in the future be attempting wreckage clean-up on several levels.
I'm committed to this clean-up process, this healing process.
We screw up. Badly at times. We hurt people we love and wish we'd never done the ill deeds. I'm talking here about human conditions type screw-ups, not malicious, psychopath type screw-ups...although those can be addressed also, at a later date.
No, what I'm talking about is what separates us, dissects our everyday interactions with each other, what delves past the surface b.s. into the dark.
When I go to sleep at night, millions of people I've never met, have met but can't remember, or met and forgot, play through my head.
If I'm lucky, I fall asleep quickly. If I'm not I lay there trying to place these images, these individuals, these memories.
My belief is strong, stronger than any, that we are all related. Part of one massive organism...this collective unconscience. That we are meant to be together, not so much in sexual relationships, as in emotional union.
Emotional, howling-at-the-moon-naked, union...and this is good, even better than ones desire to be loved by another, is ones desire to love ones self. Wholly, unabashedly, exquisitely, in love with you.
Non-narcissistically, that defeats the purpose, but fully, like a child loves themselves. Children see the world as merely an extension of themselves, their place in the world has no boundaries...they are the world, their caregivers, creatures, objects, they become all they take in.
This innocent self-indulgent merging, is all but brain washed out by the 3rd grade in institutionalized educating, and 8th grade in home school educating. Pre-frontal cortex activity takes over...and regardless of the environment, the child/young adult will dis-connect from the world in which they live and are a part of.
When a parent tries to control their child's behavior through discipline, i.e. spanking very young children, under the guise of love, or withholding privileges of a teenager, under the guise of respect...the lesson learned is not the lesson intended.
What's achieved, although it may take a generation before the results are apparent, what's achieved is disparity, and a belief system that requires a see saw in all human relationships. With more times than not, the child/adult being the one on the ground.
Whatever the reason is that you don't listen to your child, I don't care, start the next time they speak. Take time to connect with the human being you brought into the world or hand-picked into your life.
They have something important to tell you.
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