I may have failed to mention, I had a root canal yesterday.
Nitrous oxide and I don't get along. Oh, don't get me wrong, at the time I'm sitting in that chair, mask on my pathetic, quivering face, nitrous and I are good buddies.
It's the after effect that I'm talking about here, as in last nights post...WTF?
Sorry, but even I couldn't decipher my message to the masses. I'm certain it was one of salvation. I usually think I'm a messiah after nitrous.
It's the weekly trip to "Hogwart's College of Dentistry" , that's enough to bring any welfare mama to her knees. Five hours trapped in a chair, being attended to by individuals who READ about Lennon being shot in their high school history books.
Each year brings a new student assigned to me.
Yes I said year, this ordeal started in '03 when Hogwart's first accepted me as a patient after a previous year on the waiting list. So hell yes I'm going to make the damn appointment.
Yesterday marked the first appointment of the '06 school year at Hogwart's, and subsequently, student #5 (two dropped out after dealing with my claustrophobia for an entire semester)
We shall call this student "Bob" because that was his name. Bob was a transfer student from Utah...yes, Bob was a Mormon.
I said MORMON.
In making polite conversation with "Bob", oh wait I don't have to use the parenthesis any more...with Bob, I found out, not like I didn't already have an inkling, that there are almost 3000 Mormons in the greater Oklahoman City area.
Dang.
So Dr. Bob, because he is sorta one, gets ready to use the nitrous.
Let me stop right here and give you some history.
I have an incredibly high tolerance to all things Caine, as in nova, coca, and, well, that's it. I also have an incredibly high tolerance to nitrous oxide...as in my previous students have all been like "It's up as high as it can go...I can't believe you don't feel it?"
Truth. I'm not just trying to get a freebie here, I really cannot feel it.
They've all had to learn the hard way, or rather I'VE had to learn with them the hard way, how to drop the oxygen levels in order to achieve the desired effect.
Well, Mr., Doctor, Bob, Mormon was having none of THAT nonsense let me tell YOU.
He was all "It's at 50% nitrous, I'm just not comfortable with any more than that, I've never had it this high on anyone before"
For the love of Pete man, crank that shit up, or get away from me with that drill!
Dr, Bob Mormon kept coming at me saying "Can I start now, do you feel it?" and i kept saying "Um, no and NO!"
We were doing this sado/masochistic dance thing that went on for a good hour of our special time together...until FINALLY, out of sheer frustration, Dr, Bob Mormon cranked the nitrous up to 80% and dropped the o2, promptly knocking my ass the F- out.
I awoke to my completed codependent self patting the good doctor on his arm, and telling him I was fine, and it was going to be fine. (You could tell by the look on his face he had failed his creator on some level)
The thing I've seen in the past three years at Hogwart's College of Dentistry, is there are some students destined for greatness in the field of Dentistry...while others, you just worry really about their futures.
In the halls outside, as we were discussing my next appointment, Dr, Bob Mormon said he was going to do some more research on my problems with nitrous...see what he could look up about it before my next appointment.
I just smiled and said "Hey Bob, one thing about people, we all aren't in books...K?"
He just looked at me as if I'd said Jesus visited Santorini afterwards.
I have a lone bumper sticker on my SUV that reads "Dog is my co-pilot", but I didn't mention that to the good doc. I need to be out the next time he drills.
No, I don't have a dog, I'm a genius aren't I?
Isn't my reflection cute? All the neighbors are out making love to their lawns, and there's Apostol, taking pictures of her bumper sticker in her pajamas, because it has absolutely NOTHING to do with this post. Nothing.
This is why my ranks are so low and the Fug girls have George Clooney giving them pedicures.
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