So... I was having a bad day, and was just now at the Abercrombie & Fitch site, visa in hand ready to make myself feeeel better. When out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of the water bill peaking out from underneath my Gargoyle.
Now keep in mind, I've already been to Borders yesterday, and then Target this morning, where I actually succeeded in making a purchase. Then 30 minutes later once clarity had returned, took the velour camouflaged lounge pants back for a full refund ...because it is after all Target.
The Abercrombie & Fitch thing was a progressive decline from Old Navy...I need Jeans you see, and I'm an odd fit, er, shape. I have never had an expensive pair of jeans in my life. I realize that to the average woman $70.00 is not an expensive pair of jeans. I am not your average woman.
When I was fat, I could only wear men's jeans. Levi's 501 button fly size 48 x 30. Yes, I was bigger around than I was up. Hysterical, but not really. So it wasn't until I was down to 145 lbs. that I purchased my first pair of women's jeans - Old Navy sz 12.
I'm now a size 6 or 4, or 2, or 7, or 5 ... I have little to no butt, and or hips. And in the last two years I've obtained this, this, this gut thing. It's gross, but well, I'm way too lazy to do anything about it, so I'll just look a few months pregnant instead.
The two stores that can occasionally fit me, are the above mentioned two. Old Navy is hit or miss, while Abercrombie is dead on every time. I also hate to shop, which is another reason I need jeans so desperately. I am the only female on this planet who hates to shop. Why?
Is it some throw-back from the years when I dwarfed your average Linebacker? Is it residual trauma from dressing room attendants exasperation at my inability to accept the fact I was no longer a size 6x...to the point of ripping seams with my adorable, yet furiously chubby pre-pubescent arms?
Or perhaps it's got nothing to do with the EXPERIENCE and everything to do with the funding of the event. When your a single parent, the very last thing there's money for is Abercrombie & Flippin Fitch jeans.
And even though they ARE the absolutely ONLY jeans my stomach hangs over comfortably. And while I'm all for those moms who can pull the money for a pair of Madison low rise destroyed flares out of her ass...I (long sigh)...am not one of them.
How old will I be when The Mer is in Graduate School?
Work with me on this visual here, K?
A sixty five-year-old woman, wearing a pair of those...not bad, huh? Yeah, real bad your right. Some dreams must die my friend, some dreams must die...
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