I'm in one of those moods you get in, when you feel so festive you even light candles in the bathroom. It doesn't exactly count for me since, among cigarettes, Sonic cherry slushes (Route 44-er's), Starbucks quad, grande, caramel, breve, latte's and soup (pretty much all soup) - I am addicted to candles.
Did you notice most of my addictions are fluids? Weird. But the candle thing seriously is a problem, I go through a filter a month in my HVAC unit's, and at my old place it was such a junker, I had soot on the walls from all the candles. Can you imagine my lungs? (like the cigarettes have competition now)
I've tried to not burn so many candles, but it's honestly depressing without them...maybe I'm a witch? Huh? No. Well I think it stems from when I was soooooo poor, all I had to make me feel better were candles. I could light that scented wax, and drift away to some cabin in the mountains, or pretend I wasn't soooooo broke.
It's a "Homey" feel, as my dear dead mother used to say. Everything that wasn't God damned catastrophically life shattering, was "Homey". Black or White. Glorious or It's the end of the fucking world. Those were my childhood options.
Sometimes I know I've gone too far with the whole It's-almost-Halloween-so-I-can-burn-willy-nilly, idea. Like this morning I woke up, and could smell the burnt wax in my nose...I'd fallen asleep with a few tea lights burning. Just a few. Eleven, but they're tea lights, they have the little safety tins so candle addicts don't burn themselves up.
Throughout my life, I've often wondered what moderation feels like. Does it hurt? Do you sweat the first few days...or experience flu-like symptoms? What about others, can they tell you are in moderation, do you look a certain way, all non-virginal and shit? Can you operate heavy machinery in moderation, or jog...no, wait, what about Yoga in moderation what about that?
At 42 I'm almost convinced I'll never experience moderation of any kind. I'll just file it away with that good old vaginal orgasm I've read so much about. But just in case, you know, that I'm wrong...I think I better get Baptized again.
Black or white.
Glorious, or it's the end of the fucking world.
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