I'm Full of Crap (and Chantix, a drug they tested on people who smoke half as much as I do)

I don't like the way the pills make me feel, or think. My sleep is disturbed, I'm depressed...and I'm still smoking.
To be honest, I haven't felt my compulsion slow at all.
So now I'm smoking AND I feel like crap.

Do you know why I want to quit?
I want to quit because I can't afford the sonofabitches any longer, that's why.
Like any good addict, the consequences must outweigh the instant gratification of ones dope, er...smoke, CIGARETTE.

I don't have a smokers cough...yet.
I don't have emphysema...yet.
I don't have any one of the multiple smoking related cancers...yet.
I haven't burned the house down...yet.
I haven't...wait a minute, what's that smell?

Dang! I smell some rationalization goin on!
WHY, why can't I just smoke?
I gave up everything else, why can't I keep my f*ing cigarettes?

I gave up my extra cheese long coney's (3 of em) every night.
I gave up all you silly boys in my bed every night. (one at a time thank you)
I traded in my Coors light for diet coke (the sober bullet)
Then I gave up the DC for stupid bottled water.
I broke the pipes, smashed the bowls, flushed the pills, and that's all you need to KNOW about THAT...
Now you want my f*ing CIGARETTES?
I hate you.
Who are you?
Who am I?
without my shit.

Comments

[Jonathan]

I think just the fact that you're *trying* is great.

Ultimately you have to find your own reasons to stop - and you've listed some pretty major ones, so I'm not about to start preaching.

Smoking - or smoking related diseases killed all of my grandparents. Both of my parents smoke. They are the only people I needle about it because I don't want to spend christmas after christmas in hospital like we did with my Gran.

[Maggie]

I had to laugh because I totally get what you are saying. Been down some paths myself... For so many years, smoking was the one vice I had left, and I'd be damned if I was going to walk away from that last bit of joy.

You are only on Day 12 or so with Chantix (trying to do math again over here), so there is still hope, I think, if the throwing up thing doesn't make you go off of it. I didn't actually quit smoking until Day 13. Some people take longer before quitting. As long as you keep wanting to quit (well, you know, in between also not wanting to quit) and keep trying, you'll get there, one way or another, with or without the Chantix if it turns out that for some reason it's actually not doing its thing for you (which I think it's still too early to conclude). Anyway, hang in there.