And in The Coming Year...

My MRI is scheduled for 7:30 a.m. on Monday the 7th, Al's first day back at school.
I broke my body the last two months, and now I'm paying a high price.
I'm sitting in this wonderful new home, and cannot move a finger to get things organized.

Between a sinus infection, a body riddled with disease, and post-holiday crashing...I am beat. I want to get up and do so many things, even chase dust bunnies and I cannot.

2008 is off to at least the INTENTION of doing things differently.
I've yet to learn my lesson about doing for others that which they can, and should, do for themselves.

It's BIG TRASH DAY tomorrow, and I, Apostol, the worlds greatest organizer of lives...(Except for my own) cannot haul a flippin thing to the curb.
I don't even know what this post is about, except me complaining.

Where's the gratitude? The love?
I left it in center court on the first level of hell.
I'm going to eventually learn, I'm way too sensitive to be in constant contact with so many lives on a daily basis. Lives that come home with me every night, lives I dream about, faces of children I can't save, women worn and empty as vessels, men broken hearted.

My making of smiles, my making of days, left nothing for me to hold fast to at the end of it all. I would sob, but it's not a part of who I am anymore.

This is why the churches fill up so fast after Christmas, and not the other way around. I cant feel my hands, my feet burning embers, knees swollen and it all comes back to faith, and what exactly in?

I need a helping hand to lift up my life, the life of my son, the life of my daughter, the lives I've touched I can no longer carry on my own.

Comments

[Stef]

I went back to school because it was time to do for me, to reach MY goals, to live MY life. My kids are old enough to understand that it's Mom's turn now.

Take it slow, savor every moment, and except for Al, everyone else will have to wait.

--Stef

[Jonathan]

I know where you are coming from - I spent too many years being the same way - always being there to help others, and slowly realising that those people were never going to be there to help me.

With the impending arrival of our own children, the impression I am willing to share with people is changing - I am not quite so willing to give myself to others any more - and neither should you be.

It's hard, but I think you win in the end by concentrating on those that are most important - those closest to you.