The 13th Apostol

Of Warrants and Winter Bird Houses

Since "He who shall not be named"chose to miss a December 19th court date, and hasn't paid a dime of child support since November...or was it October?
"He Who" is $11,000 in arrearage...
The Judge decided "He-Who" was in contempt of court.
Not, "a Crappy dad so go far away"
Not, "Your hurting your little boy dude, grow UP already"
Not, WTF Mr Man?"
Not any of the above, but -
contempt of court.

A warrant was issued last Friday, and I'm way too co-dependent not to write about how sick this has made ME, not to mention Al.
(It's near-to-impossible to hide things from your kid when your a single parent)
The whole your-dad-may-go-to-jail-over-not-being-a-real-dad-to-you thing HAS to suck.

I can't imagine my dad going to jail, or a warrant being issued for his arrest, over ANYTHING, let alone not taking care of my brother and I. My brain wont comp any of it.

At the moment, The Mer and Indigo are running through the house laughing their heads off, their shirts stuffed with clothes, bouncing off each other, Mer says "You (laugh) won't (laugh) put me (laugh, laugh) in jail sucka! (laugh, laugh, laugh - CRASH!

So much for concrete walls.
At least it's coming through in his play, the working through his feelings I guess.
I have $40 to my name Marc, so if you read this remember who you hurt when you chose to ignore the court date and the child support court order, you don't hurt me.

I make stupid decisions.
Always have and probably always will.
Counting on money that wasn't actually there.
I don't even have credit cards, ignore and trash all the "You've Been Pre-Approved!" letters that stuff my mail slot since buying a home...WHY would I count on a bonus?

Dumbass. Now I'm paying out the wazoo, been living off my deductible for the house.
So what better will it be if he's in jail? If he has to spend $1,000 to bond out? That's a $1,000 in back child support damnit!

The system of this world sucks.
Sucks for little kids who need their dads more than money.

So The Mer took his bird house (the one they built last week when "He Who" decided to show up) to Cub Scouts to paint by himself because I had to work.
I have to work tonight also. Something I swore I'd never do, work nights and not be there for Mer.

We do what we have to do as Mothers, we do whatever it takes, and sometimes, a lot of the time, it sucks profoundly...BUT, we do it.

I have exactly one hour to take a shower and get to Hogwart's College of Dentistry" for a partial root canal, then leave in time to get to the Mall to work till close.

Because this is what mothers do when they have $40 left to their name and they love their child more than life.

Soon I'm going to post pictures of my friends house - Impressive Restorations has done it again!

...So The Rabbi Walks Into The Bar With a Duck

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

Epictetus

iphone Does Impressive Restorations a Grave Injustice

I'm going to try and show you some images of our new home, but I'm really very disappointed in Apples camera on this stupid iPhone.

By far my Sony Ericsson's camera quality was superior. I'm not all that happy with how sensitive the touch screen is, as several of my friends can contest to being awoken at 5a.m. as I'm trying to extinguish the alarm.
What I do know is you cannot beat the data plan, and this will in the coming year help build my business to a place where perhaps, The Mer and I don't have to sit prey to lack of child support and unethical employers.
That's what I know. That and what Jorge, Stef, Daniel, Diana, and Jordan did for our sad little home. Honey's they worked some real miracles, so I'm warning you, if you want work done by Impressive Restorations, you better start booking in advance for Spring. Already they have been working non-stop as the result of my big mouth.

You can check out their Flickr photo-stream here

It's Time

The tree comes down TODAY...I literally cannot look at the thing one more day. Christmas is SO over y'all, and The Mer goes back to school tomorrow.
As much as I love my baby, it's time. So much to do, so excited about the possibilities the New Year holds.

No Guarantees, or Are There?

I'm slowly coming back from the dead...I'm here, holding fast to those who have been placed in my life to sustain and walk the path with me...a while anyway.
The geek in me is coming back, the mom, the artist, the hearth-maker.

Time to pay that stack of bills now...and make a stand for myself, for what is rightfully mine, what was guaranteed to me, what fueled me the last 30 days of work, and has now been Oh-so-subtly denied me.

More on this as it transpires, I know your curious.

My Flickr link is down, as I've not much felt like photographing chaos. I'll bring it back soon, as I heal all the way through.
I'll be turning much of my attention to helping others, ones who give back, know the dance, live the word.

Thank you friends, for being there (here)

And in The Coming Year...

My MRI is scheduled for 7:30 a.m. on Monday the 7th, Al's first day back at school.
I broke my body the last two months, and now I'm paying a high price.
I'm sitting in this wonderful new home, and cannot move a finger to get things organized.

Between a sinus infection, a body riddled with disease, and post-holiday crashing...I am beat. I want to get up and do so many things, even chase dust bunnies and I cannot.

2008 is off to at least the INTENTION of doing things differently.
I've yet to learn my lesson about doing for others that which they can, and should, do for themselves.

It's BIG TRASH DAY tomorrow, and I, Apostol, the worlds greatest organizer of lives...(Except for my own) cannot haul a flippin thing to the curb.
I don't even know what this post is about, except me complaining.

Where's the gratitude? The love?
I left it in center court on the first level of hell.
I'm going to eventually learn, I'm way too sensitive to be in constant contact with so many lives on a daily basis. Lives that come home with me every night, lives I dream about, faces of children I can't save, women worn and empty as vessels, men broken hearted.

My making of smiles, my making of days, left nothing for me to hold fast to at the end of it all. I would sob, but it's not a part of who I am anymore.

This is why the churches fill up so fast after Christmas, and not the other way around. I cant feel my hands, my feet burning embers, knees swollen and it all comes back to faith, and what exactly in?

I need a helping hand to lift up my life, the life of my son, the life of my daughter, the lives I've touched I can no longer carry on my own.