Of Losers and Winners

Having a bit of a hard time finding my keyboard underneath all these impending, doomsday bills (The FIRST of the month)
Before I go on a rant, about all the things I CANNOT do, let me tell you about the little old miracle that happened in Mer's life Saturday.

Now remember, this is a child who's central nervous system is shot all to hell. How we never know from one moment to the next how Mer will respond to any given situation in his life. He is extremely critical of himself, despite my constant gushing of approval, love, time, adoration and whatnot...if the kid isn't the BEST, or at least damn close...
he crumbles to pieces, sometimes giving up completely on whatever the task at hand is. It's truly exhausting and heart breaking to watch your child beat themselves senseless over spelling words.

Friday was the 3rd quarter awards assembly at Mer's school. LAST awards assembly he spent in house suspension for what I can't recall, but I let it slide thinking somehow it would teach my 'special needs' child a "Lesson" (I'm an idiot). I was working 60 hours a week, trying to get the house livable, single parenting, blah, blah, blah, and I didn't get there until AFTER the assembly.

On Friday, I was preparing to study with a friend when I get a phone call from a mom at Mer's school notifying me of...THE 3rd QUARTER AWARDS ASSEMBLY.
"Oh crap" was all I could think. I had half an hour to get down there, knowing full well there would be no awards for my child. I'm his MOTHER, that's how.

By the time Steph and I arrived, the place was already packed with parents (how do these people KNOW about these events? Oh, they must be more ORGANIZED than I)
It was excruciating watching not just Mer, but other children, each face fall as this Dragon lady slowly read out loud one name after another...none of them theirs.

One question?

Is there not enough fucking aluminum in the world to give each student in elementary school a GOD DAMNED award? I believe I've had this rant before...come on people, how well is this awards system working for those kids UNABLE to learn the way you teach? Yesterday at church there were FIVE mothers in the RE lounge, one of them the head of the PTA, and every one of us felt the same way...there's a GINORMOUS problem with the way things are, with our broken children as a direct result of institutionalized learning...another post.

So SATURDAY Mer, feeling like the slug of the earth for not winning an award at the awards ceremony, and I, the single mother with cut-off notices, a broken foot, tumor in my back, no narcotics...hobbled together to the Cub Scout's PINE WOOD DERBY.

Last Tuesday at the pack meeting, one of Mer's pack leaders, or maybe he's just a dad, threw Mer's car together in like FIVE minutes, because I arrived with it still in the box in pieces (see above) or Mer wouldn't have had a car to f*cking race. sigh.

The Gym was packed. The Pinewood Derby is apparently up there with getting Bar Mitzvahed, because grandparents, aunt, uncles, camera crews with tri-pods, were lining the walls of the place. I think I even saw Billy Ray-freakin-Cyrus in the crowd...not sure.

I was in pain both from my leg/back/foot, and for my boy, whom I knew, given his track record in life, there was only heart ache and me picking up the pieces afterward ahead...yet I can NEVER show my fear and pain for him. So I sat in the crowd with my CRAPPY iphone camera and took pictures.

And do you know something dear reader?
That little spray painted wedge with the wheels and weights thrown on in under five minutes, started zipping past all those fancy cars with cool designs...one heat after another.

The Mer's white lightening, #19 won all four races...and I couldn't believe it with my own eyes.

Now it was LESSON time, because some of Mer's best buddies were in the corner, and on the playground crying their eyes out. Yes, it's AWESOME to win, but it's even BETTER to be there for your buddies when they don't...which my kid was. YES!

So out of 30 kids who all had dad's to help with their cars, Mer's SIMPLE wedge placed 3rd and that's HUGE in the Pine wood Derby apparently.

I like to believe the little guy had some people thinking "Happy Thoughts" about and for him. It's reminded me of how important SIMPLE really is in life.

Mer left the Derby worried about his friend Zach, who he plays with, takes dance with, and Cub's with (or whatever you call being a cub scout together) because winning was so important to Zach.

Mer was so used to losing, that somehow he couldn't fully enjoy winning. He never really got excited and I don't understand. Mer did text Steph and tell her he won and that made him smile.

After we left the awards assembly on Friday, Steph and I were trying to get Mer to think of something that's special that isn't a "Thing" and he was so upset he couldn't.

Her text back to Mer after he told her he won 3rd place reads "Awesome! Now THAT is something to feel special about! Good job!"

Comments

[Chris Austria]

This entry reminds me of the reasons why I became an educator.

Winnig certainly feels good and it's even better when you win because you know you put your best into it. While it's good to make every child feel like they are a winner, Mer will definitely remember this 3rd place win forever since it's actually worth something and not something made up just to make him feel good.

GREAT POST!

[Stef]

YAY AL!!! Way to go!!!