Camp Kickapoo!...But First, a Crisis in 3 Acts

I don't believe God doesn't give you more than you can handle, I believe he/she/it helps you handle the shit storm of life that occasionally comes at you.

As I was packing the beast for the camp out Friday night, throwing blankets from the garage into it's mouth in preparation for a cold hard ground. I'd opened the large garage door and was rushing, freaking out (because that's what I do when faced with a new situation)

Nutz The Cat had been missing since the big wind storm three weeks ago.
Nutz the Cat is no longer missing...fuck...fuck...FUCK.

It was at this juncture I forgot how to think, forgot what to pack, forgot my name. Sorta like pot without the good feeling. I'm going to say this once because I hate the machine, but "Thank God for my stupid iphone", because I literally plugged in and started hitting "Favorites".

First all I got was C.C.'s v/m, (to which I vehemently expressed my feelings over the immediate find) then hallelujah Mary...Lara answered and said "Get OUT of the garage"

I can do that, yeah, OK...what next?
Because I believe God, for lack of a better Universal term, speaks to us through other people, God used Lara's absolute motherhood and love to walk me through the next hour. Every time I started to go "There", she reigned me back in, literally walking me through packing that camping trip.

C.C. called me back. We talked about our lost creatures, hers just a month ago. How they give pure love, want nothing in return, feel loyalty in a way humans never can with our ego's.

You all walked me through Nutz The Cat being lost, then miraculously coming home one day. Prayers maybe, good thoughts, matters not what we call it, it's real.

Mer-boy was so excited about this trip, I knew enough from you to just let him go once we arrived at camp. I bought Mer his first pocket knife (which he's utterly terrified of) but by God he had one in his pocket.

I wished for my dad to be there, in a deep aching way you'll never know, since my brother might sue me if I write about it. Just as I was struggling to put up the tent by myself, this English/Australian Gentleman walked up and said "The Cavalry's arrived". (and thank GAWD for the Cavalry) or Mer and I'd have slept back at the entrance in the back of the Pathfinder.

Up went the tent, in went all our crap, then I drove the Pathy back up to the front and dropped her off with all the Beemers and Mini Vans, poor baby. Then I walked back to camp, keeping in mind this is the first time since I broke my foot I've had regular shoes on.

I saw Mer at dinner, bed, breakfast. I helped at dinner fold aluminum "Hobo Stew" thingy's, but other than that, these Den-Master-leader-scout-guys have it down to an art. I regret not knowing more about what they do, because in all sincerity, they do it well. I could never do what these guys do with so much joy for these kids. I can in different ways, but not like this.

They made burrito-egg-hamburger-things in plastic bags over boiling water...I don't even have a refrigerator! (have a really cool compost pile though)

I so wish I'd not had a broken heart that night, but Mer had a total blast being free. I believe that's the point of it all. Watching these boys run free, exploring together, bonding, becoming...young men. I'm gonna cr...Oh crap there she goes...

Then as we were leaving Mer and some of the guys wanted to show me "Sleepy Hollow"...me, they wanted to show me not some dad, me. (bring the camera mom!)

I'm going to leave Nutz The Cat a mystery unsolved for Mer, because I'm his mother that's why. Because sometimes in life enough is enough. It just is. I'm doing eveything I can to be the mother I wasn't before, trying to lighten up on myself, while at the same time giving more.

On a fact finding, fact facing mission about myself, one I cannot do alone and the Universe knows this, has and will continue to give exactly what I need when I need it.

This is why we pay forward.
Thank you.

Comments

[Chelsea]

I'm sorry about your kitty. :(

You were very strong (as if we didn't know that already) to not let the sadness mess up the Mer's camping trip.

And I wouldn't tell him, either.

[Jonathan]

Your writing is wonderful when you want it to be. Thankyou so much for including us in your journey from time to time - you can't make any of this up.