I will always trust my gut, but that doesn't mean it speaks quickly.
I'm all for the Oklahoma Family Rights Coalition requesting an overhaul of OKDHS. There are individuals within the system who also agree this needs to happen.
When you are dealing with a system as poorly structured as ours, families inadvertently get hurt in the process. What I witnessed sitting in courtrooms for five years were mostly parents who didn't give a damn one way or another...they'd just go "Make more".
I watched fathers brought in from county jail in handcuffs, mothers who showed up for hearings dressed like they were working a corner, and showed no respect whatsoever to the man at the bench.
Between all the Attorneys, Guardian Ad-litems, CASA's, CSW, Therapists, Counselors...there were children's lives in the balance.
I'm playing devils advocate here, only for a moment so bear with me.
Yes, we know CSW, Fosters, etc., are all "Trained" to view parents as perpetrators under any and all circumstances. This is where the overhaul has to occur. A way to thin out the families who are doing no wrong, who are good parents and love their children to the core of their being.
Nothing like this exists. Or at least existed when my daughter was removed, but not my son...We were not bad parents or bad people. We were paying taxes, contributing to society, lived in an upper class suburban neighborhood.
The OBGYN who delivered my daughter attended the same church as the Foster mother where my daughter was placed at five days old (and who was eventually adopted by)
I pulled the page relating to my experience with DHS out of fear and embarrassment. You hear people whisper "She must have done SOMETHING wrong, you know" There are times I care what people think, and times I could give a rats ass.
Athena George turns nine-years-old on the 20th of April. This will be the first year I'm not sending gifts and a card. The first year I'm not going to grovel for her adoptive mother to hold up her end of the open adoption agreement. (sealed without my knowledge)
It's been nine years, it's time to let go of the dream Mer will have his sister to grow up with.
Athena will find us someday, and then she'll understand why she feels the way she does deep inside. All I can do for Mer is continue to love him and be there for him, but I'll never take the place of the sister he lost.
My anger towards the system runs deep, but I do my best to channel that anger into pro-active behavior. "Anniversary time" is the most difficult, as it is for any mother who's lost a child.
Any future contact will be made directly to the woman who illegaly adopted my daughter. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, knowing the brain washing, heart-string tugging, "Horror Films" perspective foster parents are shown of children living under porches of abandoned houses for months on end, scavenging for food.
I'll give her the benefit of the doubt because she avoided me for five years. Sending her aging mother to supervise all visits and pick-up/drop-offs with my daughter.
She had it under control as long as she didn't get to know me. As long as she could maintain the illusion I was a monster she could live with herself, but what about the child she claims as her own?
How is she going to convey her illusion to my daughter? What happens when we all finally see each other again and I'm not the monster?
How unfair this has been to my children.
Ronel ~ If you have nothing to hide I see no problem in allowing my children, at the very least, play dates you and I could enjoy together.
If the word "My" bothers you, you should've considered what you were doing getting involved with OKDHS. You could choose to stop living in fear you'll run into us at the grocery store, or that the children may go to school together.
Nothing changes the fact these children are full siblings one year apart.
Children are not possessions. They have their own minds, can make amazing choices given adequate demonstration of such, and will love you unconditionally unless you abuse their trust repeatedly.
Don't blow it with Athena please.
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