Allow me to preface this entry by saying it was an accident I saw it to begin with, it took time to get the authors permission to reprint.
The definition of "Survivor":
1. To remain alive or in existence.
2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere:
3. To remain functional or usable
4. To live, persist, or remain usable through
5. To cope with (a trauma or setback); persevere after: survived abuse
While I fussed at my kids' clothes and checked my lip gloss a gazillion times before walking up the steps to the Oklahoma State Capitol this morning, I wondered if someday my girls would remember this moment. Perhaps a news camerawoman would capture us in a candid black and white moment for the front page of the paper - a memento my girls would keep in a scrapbook. (I delude myself and realize I'm simply dreaming of being a real founding foremother for our nation's history). Seriously, though, would we be the only ones there today standing out against the backdrop of Mega Crosses and Cowboy Boots?
Really, I didn't want to go to the trouble of coming this morning. We had a trip planned to visit my parents for the weekend in Hutchinson, KS; my agreement with my mom was that I would leave with my girls first thing this morning. My list of things to do and the piles of laundry to tackle kept me up half the night anyway. I didn't have *time for a protest. Yet I found myself emailing my friends and rallying a group together after a dear FB friend posted the ACLU link about Sally Kern's Morality Proclamation and the (possible) organized protest.
My friend, Leah, who had posted the news, mentioned that Kern's "proclamation" reminded her of the beginning stages of a Nazi-Germany (I agree). Assuming that everyone reading this note has had the chance to look over Kern's disgusting hate-filled propaganda, I won't go into all the many reasons why I felt personally insulted. For a day or so, I entertained the idea of getting the hell out of Oklahoma, in spite of the fact that I have lived here for almost 20 years and have given birth to 3 "okie" little girls who love their state. My life is here. Why should I allow someone the power to drive me out of my home?
By the time we make it across the Capitol parking lot in the heat, the kids are already complaining. We make it through the metal detectors after a friend has shamelessly told a questioning citizen that we're here to *protest Sally Kern and not support her (yikes!); I suddenly feel my pulse quicken. I admit to feeling nervous. My entire life I have been told to follow the rules and bow my head; this doesn't feel like I'm coloring in the lines, either. My girls are hot; annoyed that we're here; probably wondering why we're walking amidst people in their power suits, and missing time on the road to Grandma's. Actually, they're pissed at me. My mom isn't returning my phone calls, either. It's obvious she's been reading my posts about protesting, and well, this isn't proper behavior from their daughter who grew up singing, "Trust and Obey" and "Old Rugged Cross" with a baptismal center stage all her life.
Yet.... it felt so right. So right that I was all smiles. I felt extremely powerful.
Today wasn't about Sally Kern. It wasn't about following a strict road trip schedule. Today was about opening up the window and singing out, "Nobody else can speak for me!" Today I had some conversations with my children who wanted to know why exactly we weren't on the road yet for piggybacks with Grandpa. When I explained in kid-verbage that there is a "lady" who is signing a paper stating that people who are divorced are bad people and are some of the ones responsible for all the money problems in Oklahoma, my 8-year-old's face sank. I almost wish I hadn't told her. When I added that this lady also proclaims we are "bad" since we are not Christian, my baby's eyes turned a shade darker and her pupils diated, I swear. My sweet little girls, who are so loved by their friends in school, are still not comfortable telling their peers they are not Christian. I am presented with this dilemma every year during school: "Mommy, if I tell them, they won't be my friends, because they are very, VERY Christian. It's all they talk about. They won't like me anymore." So to tell my daughters that a political figure is now deeming us "immoral" is a task I'd rather not have.
That's why I was several hours late for my road trip today.
Close to being pushed up against my friends and fellow protesters as we heard bits and pieces of, "our Lord Jesus Christ" and "this being set forth by the Holy Bible", I found myself yelling. All we could see was a mass of suits and ties; news cameras with their fuzzy mikes, and those blinding lights only the "important" cameras have. It was obvious this was not a public proclamation but a personal one - Sally Kern's agenda - all paid for, I'm assuming, by we, the taxpayers. What started out as what I thought just a handful of protesters turned out to be a media-event. The ACLU had little ribbons for us to wear and passed out documents with information from Snopes.com (debunking Kern's false quotes of our founding forefathers). Capitol security started escorting out any protesters holding up signs, stating that we needed to have a permit to carry a sign. My favorite was the large, glossy pic of two men passionately kissing. I don't think the lady with the tied-up gray hair wearing the blue cotton dress really understood us. She, among all the suits, kept giving us the "Why?" look.
As the cameras rolled, the shutters flashed, and Kern's barely audible voice held her church service in front of the microphone, a few lone voices turned into our massive protest. We chanted "FreeDOM FreeDom FreeDom!!!.........."Separation of Church and State! Separation of Church and State! Separation of Church and State!"........we "Boo'd"....... the Boo-ing became deafening. Our voices of protest filled up the rotunda, echoing in a massive concert. We mommies were boo-ing and covering the ears of their children, checking to be sure they were not frightened. They weren't. The children, all of them, were taking it all in. Security kept a close eye on us all, and for a few moments I felt the fear of Stonewall as a guy decked out in a vintage-car Hawaiian shirt questioned a partner of my dear gay friend who was with our group. I felt that at any moment security would let loose with their pepper spray or worse, weapons. Part of me wanted to flee and get the hell out, yet I had to let my voice be heard.
I felt like I was making history. I was making history. My own. My children saw their mom yell at people in suits at the Capitol. They watched her stand up for her own beliefs. They learned about human rights and while they may not really "get it" right now, they'll always remember this day.
For too long I have felt oppressed in my neighborhoods, my work environment, my childrens' school, and mostly, in my hometown where my *roots* are. Today I decided that nobody was going to proclaim that I am an immoral person after fleeing a 911-scene on the day I moved away from my marriage. My children saw me punched and sent to the ground by their dad before I got up and called 911 on my cell phone.
If I am an immoral citizen responsible for the economic downfall of this state, then I at least will be an immoral ***yellin fuckin bitch*** at the State Capitol.
That, my friends, is why I posted earlier that I was deliciously and deliriously happy today. I was a yellin fuckin bitch at the Capitol today, and (dramatic pause with a huge, pink lip-gloss smile)....
It felt good.
A.H.S.
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