Please forgive my ignorance, when the other day I utilized the NaNoWriMo term in lieu of NaBloWriMo (an event I'm certain to miss due to some gremlin inside, either my head or my computer)
I cannot seem to login...THIS, in and of it's self makes me as irritated as burrs on a saddle. Not that I ride, but the term is well taken in Okie-ville.
I have conceded to myself NaBloPoMo must suffice in as that I overdo just about everything. Hence, totaling my car trying to play "SUPERMOM" in August. Balance is foreign, but I'm attempting it.
I use my cane to scare small children and hit people (what are they gonna do to a crip?) Yes, I know "This woman is not well".
Ah ha! I never claimed to be (one time in court, but the statutes of limitation have expired)
Over the weekend Mer's Uncle took him to Little Saigon and bought him a Blue Crab. My sensitive boy wanted to keep this angry creature as a pet...when I say angry, I mean angry, nearly took my finger off...(where the Hell was I supposed to keep a pissed off Blue Crab?)
Mer and I discussed that perhaps consuming the pissed off Blue Crab was the best route to take. He conceded, but I made him leave the kitchen while I dropped the PO'd Crab (joyfully) in a giant pot of boiling water.
I've never seen my child eat like that before. Every tiny little splinter of meat sucked from Mr. pissed off BC...it was like shrapnel flying across the table. Of course the next morning came with it the guilt. So I told him he now had "Blue Crab Spirit" like the native Americans when the eat their kill.
They consume the spirit of the food and it makes them stronger, wiser, more powerful...Mer liked that. Thought it was cool he had "Blue Crab Spirit" in him.
Mer sees the Pediatric Cardiologist this morning, and it has me awake at 3am, a nervous (more than usual) histrionic mess, gulping mug after mug of coffee...(certain to calm me down.) I did zero laundry, failed to force my preteen into the shower last night because I didn't want the battle, my pain level has skyrocketed, which it does when I'm not DEALING with things.
What if the Dr. wants to put a stint in his valve...OMG, OMG, OMG, breathe, breathe, breathe...
Mer just isn't growing, he's a picky eater to begin with (sans Blue Crab), but the joint pain from EDS has gotten worse (I just HAD to have my concrete floors) The Family Physician we both had we don't anymore...another thing I have to do this week. (breathe) it's time to see Endo and Genetics Doc's and I'm driving around town on a freakin DONUT tire, attached to a car owned by my EX, because everytime I think I'm going to get ahead from the accident, WHAM...somemore LIFE hits me between the eyes.
What I am learning, not that anyone gives a rodents butt, is this:
Right now in this moment, I am OK. Right now in this moment, I have all that I need. Right now in this moment, I have more than enough money. When I need it it comes, when I don't it doesn't. Right now in THIS MOMENT, we are each precious creatures doing the best we can.
Now, if I can just hold on to that while I'm cleaning the cat box I'll be OK!
Mer is in the best of hands, this I know...this I KNOW with all my heart, this I BELIEVE with all my heart...
Believe.
Comments